Change

The stack of work I have for the end of vac…thanks, UCT.

When I come home for vac, I tend to take some time to think about life, the way I live it, and what I need to let go of and/or change. Some changes are external (for more of that you can take a look at my other blog, I Make Mac & Cheese), but others are internal.

One of the biggest things I take a look at each vac is my stress level. How high has it been lately, what’s causing it, etc. It’s important to know these things because that’s really the only way you can deal with them, and eliminate the stress they’re causing you.

This vac the theme seems to be: 1) what I feel people expect of me and who they expect me to be, and b) feeling like I’m being constantly evaluated by everyone around me.

I’m going to tackle “b” first because it’s easy. It’s not true. Of course we evaluate people around us and we’re constantly making little judgments as we perceive our world and surroundings, but think about it: when’s the last time you were obsessed with a judgment you made to the point of really letting it affect your opinion of that person. Example not based on reality, at least not that I can remember: I see a good friend of mine wearing a shirt that is, in my opinion, a little immodest. She normally wears modest clothes. Do I now think she’s fallen off the wagon? “Gone off the path?” Sold her soul to the devil?

Actually, no, I shrug and move on with my life. That’s the way we function most of the time; see, make a judgment, forget it and move on. Also, what do I care? Of course people are going to disagree with me, and I’m going to disagree with them. It happens all the freaking time. So then what’s my problem? My problem, uncomfortably, is that I have an insecurity that makes me feel like this is what’s happening, because that’s what I’m doing to myself. I want me to be perfect. I want me to be brilliant and wise and spiritual and funny and charming and smart and good at everything I do. I have set an impossible standard for myself.

Which of course led to a somewhat uncomfortable realization that this fear/stress factor of mine has more to do with the fact that I have a very strong need to always be right and to always let everyone know that actually I already know what’s what. So…yeah. That’s uncomfortable and awkward and about a billion other things, but it’s the truth. It’s pride and a bit of rebellion and some other stuff. Now I know and I can pray about it and work on it, so all in all, it’s a good thing, just…yeah…uncomfortable. And kind of makes me want to write a really long letter of apology to everyone I know, because how annoying that must be.

Oh how embarrassing it is when you realize you think this way.

As for “a”…unfortunately, it’s a very real thing. But the thing is, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I keep saying this partly because I wish it would just drill itself into my brain and stay there and not float off again like a fickle soap bubble, but also so that YOU will hear this and know this. Yes, people expect things of you. A lot of people, in fact, expect a lot of things from you. They expect you to be a certain way. And when you’re not that certain way, they get all ancy and weird and you’re left wondering what the heck is wrong with them. The thing is, you do this too. I do this. Everyone does. It’s what we, humans, do. It’s a fact of life and it can’t be ignored.

The solution is one of those really obvious, easier-said-than-done things, but it actually works.

Be yourself.

God made you who you are. That’s not to say that there aren’t some kinks [read: sins] to be worked out, but you, the person you are, were hand-crafted, hand made, 100% organically processed, so-natural-you-aren’t-even-found-in-a-health-store natural, created by God. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. He knows all the days of your life before they happen. While you were still a sinner He died for you. Look it up; it’s in the Bible, I promise (start with Psalm 139).

Sound advice. Even though this is actually a folder in my planner.

It sounds stupid and self-helpish, but clearly some of us need help, so there you go. Be yourself. Practice the gloriousness of being completely and totally free in being YOU. Realize that 90% of the time you feel hurt or offended or like someone just dissed you personally, that’s not the reality. We all say things in jest or without thinking or without really meaning the gravity of the words. People are different. If I were to say something like, “Why on earth would you want to do that?” with lots of sarcasm, it would mean I am trying to hurt the other person, and so I don’t do that. But maybe if Annie Oakley says it she doesn’t mean anything of the kind, despite the way it sounds. Realize that other people are different from you (again, obvious and yet rarely practiced) and give them the benefit of the doubt. Choose not to be offended. Choose to give the people around you space. Choose not to constrict others, just like you don’t want to be constricted.

In other words: chill and live life. It’s actually all simpler than it sometimes feels.

*As always, I share this not to ramble on about my own issues but in the hopes that this might help you, too.

Easter and Christmas: The “Unbiblical” Holidays

So, this morning a friend and I were chatting and I mentioned how we don’t really do the Easter egg thing because it’s not related to the actual meaning of Easter. She pointed out that I do the Christmas thing and that that’s not really related either, which got me thinking because I despise inconsistency, and I realized the following which I’ll share in case anyone else is having the same issue.

I posted about Christmas in December of last year, and how there is a lot of symbolism to me that fits with the real meaning of the day: Jesus’ birth. I’ll also post a few points today for whoever doesn’t want to click back.

Yes, the tree is a bit arbitrary, but it’s a tradition that comes with Christmas, so it stuck around. Also, we usually decorate with balloons or whatever for our own birthdays, so to me a tree is no less arbitrary than that. Christ and His salvation are the biggest gifts we ever received, and besides, if He were here on earth, we would be giving Him presents for His birthday. Exchanging gifts is a different way of doing this, and while it isn’t Biblical in the sense that no one in the Bible did it, it’s in the spirit of the Bible; giving to each other freely, being generous, gathering together, and loving each other. None of this is wrong or against the Bible, and although Christmas has been adopted by secular people and is more of a tradition than anything else, it is still a beautiful way to celebrate the birth of Christ. We make Him the center of our day and we honor Him by coming together with our friends and family and making it a priority to spend time with them. Again, none of this is unbiblical (as in disagreeing with the Bible), nor is it entirely unrelated. And this is why I think it’s awesome to celebrate Christmas.

Easter, on the other hand, has been made all about the Easter bunny and eating chocolate and hunting for Easter eggs. This is the death and resurrection of Christ we are talking about – our salvation – and it’s been reduced to Easter eggs. I can’t find anything in the secular tradition that relates to the death and resurrection of Christ, except that the eggs are hard-boiled and are therefore dead. There’s no religious significance to any of it, and no Biblical connection, and that’s why we don’t celebrate it the way the world does. I’m not saying it’s wrong to do it, and it’s not like I don’t eat the chocolate eggs this time of year or think people who celebrate Easter in this secular way are going to hell. Frankly it’s weird to me when people make a huge deal out of these things, because God knows our hearts. But I do know that over the Easter weekend, I don’t want my focus to be a bunny rabbit who brings eggs. Jesus Christ brought Himself, gave all of Himself, poured Himself out on the cross, died for our sins and gave us salvation and eternal life. That’s what our focus should be.

If your kids do Easter egg hunts, awesome and may they have fun, but make sure they know the real meaning behind Easter and let’s not water down one of the most crucial events in history. Christ died for us; all the glory and honor and praise to His name.

Reminisce

So here I am, sitting across from Cap’n Jack Sparrow’s face, waiting for my dad to bring my dining room table and trying to unpack as much as I can before the Social Hectic Awesomeness begins. A new semester is fast on its way and it’s exciting for three reasons: 1) it’s new, and that’s enough to make it anticipation-worthy; 2) I’m lucky enough to be studying what I love; 3) it’s the first semester of my last undergrad year at UCT.

My, how time flies. Only two years ago I was staying in an old Victorian house that was literally falling apart, with a creep-o landlord, trying desperately to prove to myself that I could do this, that I would do this, that I wouldn’t fail, that I would be the most social, most involved, most hard working first year student ever, despite my introvertness and my rather long and sordid history of procrastination and laziness. We try to go to extremes in an attempt to change our fundamental selves, when really all we have to do is be who we are, the best that we are. I don’t have to hand in assignments two weeks early; I just have to hand them in on time and done well. Extremes are our downfall in so many ways.

It’s a bit sad, really. School is less than fun and it takes forever, and then you get to university and suddenly it’s all worth it and it all makes sense…and before you know it, you’re waiting for your last undergrad year to begin. But life is change and movement and pain and growth, and things must end before new things can begin; better things.

But for now, I am grateful that my parents are able to send me to university, that I am at UCT and will be for at least another year, that I have friends who are soul friends, the kind you won’t shove reluctantly out of your heart when you move on, and that I am studying what I love so that I can do what I love. I don’t think you can get luckier than that, really. So thank you, God, for all these abundant blessings that I don’t deserve, and let me steward them well and come through this year with sparkles and colors and the gloriousness of hard work and authentic authenticity.

Time

Photo from Nilima Home

I feel like I write about this at least once a semester, but it’s important, so here it is. Everyone procrastinates. Some of us are more afflicted than others (ahem: my hand is raised), but we all do it. We laugh and joke about it, and there are hundreds if not thousands if not hundreds of thousands of articles, memes, and puns about it. Maybe this is out of sheer desperation to pretend like it’s okay, or maybe laughing about it is yet another way to procrastinate. I think that it’s a way to justify it so that we don’t feel a real need to change our habits. For crying out loud, there is a whole website called I Waste So Much Time, which I am sorry to say I visit too often. Here are some examples of procrastination memes:

from iwastesomuchtime.com

from iwastesomuchtime.com

from iwastesomuchtime.com

It’s all good and well to joke about it, but the fact is, procrastination is horribly, horribly wrong. It most definitely goes against the Bible, so much so that there isn’t nearly enough room to put all the verses here:

“The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.” Proverbs 13:4

“The sluggard does not plow in the autumn: he will seek at harvest and have nothing.” Proverbs 20:4

“Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16

Procrastination is, in my life, the source of most of my stress, the reason why I don’t get the marks I am capable of getting, the reason why I haven’t finished books I am working on, and the reason for many other things. I can say I won’t go on Facebook, or that I won’t watch TV, or that I’ll only use the internet for university related things. Ironically, I have the discipline to do this, but not to stop procrastinating. If I am deprived of internet and TV, I will still find a way to procrastinate, because that’s the main issue. If we don’t deal with the root of the problem we are going to keep on struggling and wasting time when we could be achieving amazing things. It’s not as if it’s all that hard, really. All that has to be done is to start doing things right away. And the best part is, when you relax and rest then, you don’t have the stress of unfinished work hanging over your head. So really, it’s a win-win. Why on earth would we continue the self-destructive habit, then?

So. Let’s pick up our swords, and try again, shall we?

 

 

Authenticity

Authentic: 1) of undisputed origin; genuine; 2) made or done in the traditional way, or in a way that faithfully resembles the original; 3) based on facts; accurate or reliable; 4) relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, purposive, and responsible mode of human life.

Dictionary definitions, while sometimes annoying and way overused, are good because of the blunt, direct way they express things.

A while ago, when we moved from Colorado Springs, a good-sized city, to a little seaside town in South Africa with a population of 4,000 and no people my age (popular retirement place), I was faced with a dilemma: who am I, actually? I knew who I was with my friends, and in my various social circles, and at church, and in a place I knew. It’s kind of shocking what happens when, at age 16, you are taken away from where you grew up and put in a place so far from anything you’ve ever known. You realize how defined you are by other people; how much you have adjusted yourself to fit the expectations and desires of others; and how little you really know yourself, and know who Christ made you to be. You also realize how much unnecessary fluff and drivel there is, not only to you and your life, but to your beliefs.

There is also the 3rd culture element. I am a 3rd culture kid; a South African who lived in the US for 10 years, thereby combining two very different cultures to create a 3rd, unclassifiable one. There are more of us in the world than you probably think, and we struggle with this: we do not belong to the first culture entirely, nor to the second one entirely, and our third one is so unique and undefinable that we just kind of feel like nomads. This obviously adds to the identity issue.

It was difficult, I’m not gonna lie. But I had about three years to be alone, and I do mean alone, with my parents and God. I even finished school over the internet. Now I’m glad, because those three years were a desert, and we all know that God does His thing wonderfully well in deserts. It’s kind of impossible, actually, to be in a desert, literally or figuratively, and not have God speak to you and not have yourself be changed enormously. Or, not changed; renewed. Recharged. Rebooted. God showed me this very obvious and yet very challenging fact: I am not defined by being tall, or liking certain movies, or reading certain books, or being South African, or being American, or being a traveler, or being a 3rd culture kid. I am defined by Him, and I am me, and that’s all I ever can be. Everyone is completely unique, and our human attempt to define each other is pointless and really quite silly. The truth is, none of us fits into a box. None of us should try. We are who we are.

Authenticity. To me it is synonymous with integrity, with truth, with genuineness and sincerity. It is who God made you to be. It is the truth without the fluff and extras. Attempting authenticity, daily.