Posts Tagged With: God

My Heart in Pieces

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There is something so profound and deeply sorrowful about coming face to face with yourself. When God puts a mirror in front of you, it’s never condemning, but it is heartbreaking. With the most lovingly spoken words he breaks us – not to tear us down, but so that he can build something new in place of the old. He is the Restorer, the Renewer, the Builder, the Maker. When he convicts us and lets us see, bit by bit, our sins and shortcomings and areas-to-be-worked-on, he does it with love. There is no condemnation in his gentle revelation, no judgment or guilt tripping. But that, of course, makes it all the more heartbreaking. Because when you see your sins in front of you as if they are laid out on a table, you are suddenly so aware of the sorrow you’ve inflicted, of the nails Jesus took for you on the cross because of these things, these things in front of you; and yet God does not strike us with lightning or accuse us. He simply says, “Be done with these things so that I can transform you and give you my peace and love.”

We will never be perfect. We will keep on sinning. We will keep on having to repent. But God’s love is truly unending and unconditional; not the way in which we understand those words, but in their true meaning, in their infinite sense. He is God. Let him break your heart so he can form a new one in its place.

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Where Has the Light Gone From the Lanterns

For Charmaine Mare, for the Indian woman who was gang raped, for all those who suffer and go hungry and are in despair while the world turns a blind eye. This is not the mind of Christ, this is not the heart of God.

There is a whisper in the darkness,
a mournful wailing through the trees
that no one hears, for all their silence.Where Has the Light Gone From the Lanterns
There is a crying in the night;
a weeping voice that mourns the plight
of every innocence that’s taken,
each time that blood is drawn this night.

Where has the light gone from the lanterns,
why are the stars so dim tonight?
Where is the song we sang so brightly
for justice done and hearts alight
with passion burning for the helpless,
filled with a will to guide them right?
Where has the wind gone from the treetops,
why is the world so still tonight?

What can we say in this dark hour,
what can we do when hope is lost?
There’s no defense to shield our sorrows,
no compassion we can claim;
for every sinless life that’s taken
is the proof of our own shame.

Why have we not stood up to conquer,
but left the world to face its blame?
We have the light, we claim to carry
hope eternal, hope that’s real;
and yet we cower in the shadows,
fearful of our own demise.

When did we leave the candles burning
at the altar of our souls;
for we have sacrificed our freedom
for the comforts of this world.
We suck the marrow from its bones,
though dead it lies before our feet;
we who claim to be the light,
we cannot see our own defeat.

Where are we when the evil clamors,
breaking doors and throwing stones?
Where are we when the helpless suffer,
do we let them stand alone?
Is there no hope that they can cling to,
is there no truth that we possess?
We are like corpses, only shadows
light-filled beings, clothed in dark.
Will we forget the swords we carry,
will we neglect those whom He loves?

Where has the light gone from the lanterns,
where is the song we could not sing?
Where is the fire that once was burning,
and the hearts of strength, once young?
Will they come forward from the shadows,
let the beating of the drums
breathe fire into their sleeping souls,
recall them from the darkness sprung?

We are devoid of all our glory,
leaving songs of light unsung.
We are sleeping on their graves,
the brittle ropes to which they clung,
we left them in their deathly throes
and threw them to the devil’s tongue.
We watched with sleepy eyes, glazed over
as they perished in the flames
and gave no help to those who floundered,
even when they called our names.

This song is death, this song is darkness
but the truth must come to light
or never see the shadows flee;
so take the scales from our eyelids,
let us step into the night
brandish our weapons,
chase them from their perches high
and take the night back for ourselves
and make it shine as bright as day.

O come all warriors, come all carriers
of this light we crave with hope;
come and hear the mournful wail,
come and light the shadows dark.

Still the weeping spirits, sighing
for their pain is at an end;
embrace the ones whose lives were ended
at the flourish of a knife
and to the innocent down trodden,
give them hope that there is light.

Categories: God, Life, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Authenticity

Authenticity

Authentic: 1) of undisputed origin; genuine; 2) made or done in the traditional way, or in a way that faithfully resembles the original; 3) based on facts; accurate or reliable; 4) relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, purposive, and responsible mode of human life.

Dictionary definitions, while sometimes annoying and way overused, are good because of the blunt, direct way they express things.

A while ago, when we moved from Colorado Springs, a good-sized city, to a little seaside town in South Africa with a population of 4,000 and no people my age (popular retirement place), I was faced with a dilemma: who am I, actually? I knew who I was with my friends, and in my various social circles, and at church, and in a place I knew. It’s kind of shocking what happens when, at age 16, you are taken away from where you grew up and put in a place so far from anything you’ve ever known. You realize how defined you are by other people; how much you have adjusted yourself to fit the expectations and desires of others; and how little you really know yourself, and know who Christ made you to be. You also realize how much unnecessary fluff and drivel there is, not only to you and your life, but to your beliefs.

There is also the 3rd culture element. I am a 3rd culture kid; a South African who lived in the US for 10 years, thereby combining two very different cultures to create a 3rd, unclassifiable one. There are more of us in the world than you probably think, and we struggle with this: we do not belong to the first culture entirely, nor to the second one entirely, and our third one is so unique and undefinable that we just kind of feel like nomads. This obviously adds to the identity issue.

It was difficult, I’m not gonna lie. But I had about three years to be alone, and I do mean alone, with my parents and God. I even finished school over the internet. Now I’m glad, because those three years were a desert, and we all know that God does His thing wonderfully well in deserts. It’s kind of impossible, actually, to be in a desert, literally or figuratively, and not have God speak to you and not have yourself be changed enormously. Or, not changed; renewed. Recharged. Rebooted. God showed me this very obvious and yet very challenging fact: I am not defined by being tall, or liking certain movies, or reading certain books, or being South African, or being American, or being a traveler, or being a 3rd culture kid. I am defined by Him, and I am me, and that’s all I ever can be. Everyone is completely unique, and our human attempt to define each other is pointless and really quite silly. The truth is, none of us fits into a box. None of us should try. We are who we are.

Authenticity. To me it is synonymous with integrity, with truth, with genuineness and sincerity. It is who God made you to be. It is the truth without the fluff and extras. Attempting authenticity, daily.

Categories: God, Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Letter

letter blog

Dear fellow, flawed human,

You have your beliefs about “Biblical interpretation” and I have mine. You think you’re right but so do I. And while I can never say that I am right, 100%, it’s not about that; it’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong, because God is right. My life is one surrendered to Christ. And if parts of it aren’t surrendered yet, they will be, because God never begins a work in anyone without bringing it to completion (Philippians 1:6). Just as I cannot judge you or how you live because I don’t know your heart, you cannot judge me or how I live (Romans 8:1). The Bible is truth, and if we are submitted to Christ, with His help we will all come into alignment with that truth. The only one who can bring about any transformation is the Holy Spirit; I cannot transform you by sheer power of my will, nor can you transform me.

You do not define me. We do not define each other. Jesus defines me. We do not have influence on each other’s fundamental identity, because our identity is in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 3:26-27). You are not God in my life, nor should anyone be God in my life, or in anyone’s life, except God Himself. We can encourage, we can tell each other in love when we believe the other is doing something contrary to God’s will (2 Timothy 4:1-2), but we do not define each other. And if you try to define me, or try to put me in a box, or try to change me to be like you and think like you and do things like you, we will clash, because Christ alone is Lord of my life and no one should try to take His place (Exodus 20:4, Daniel 3:8-18).

If you cannot accept me and love me and respect me as I am now, today, in this moment, without trying to mold me into what you think I should be in the future, and if I cannot do the same for you, then we are failing at loving our neighbors as we love ourselves. I respect you and try to see things from your point of view. I take no pleasure in trying to control you or change you. Love is seeing who the other person is and respecting them for it, and accepting them the way they are. Love is patient, kind, unselfish, and humble (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7). If we cannot do this, or try to do this, then something somewhere is gravely wrong.

Christ is Lord of my life. Christ sits on the throne. I love Him and follow Him and, though I fail and often, my heart intention is to obey Him and worship Him all the days of my life. None of us should try to take His place, no matter how “good” and “noble” our intentions. I don’t try or want to take His place in your life, nor do I try and define you or make you mine. We should be standing together, pulling each other up and forward, brothers and sisters in arms, sharing the load, fighting side by side instead of with one another. God is God, and we are not. It’s as simple as that.

Sincerely,

a fellow, flawed human

Categories: God, Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Imperfection

imperfection blog

Imperfection;

my thorny crown.

He wore it, undeserved;

it belongs to me.

Darkness;

my slave driver.

I run and flee,

to no avail.

Where is right or wrong?

Where is the promised dawn?

The white swords,

angelic hordes?

I wait for Him;

my soul gives out.

I long for Him;

no hope is found.

I feel alone,

a plight unknown;

where is He,

My Savior King?

Imperfection.

I cannot find

my way to light;

lost and wandering.

The world bears down,

its rotten crown

too heavy

for me to carry.

I cannot see,

I cannot feel.

No words, no sound;

come to me now.

Take me, break me,

mold and shape me;

in Your hands alone

do I find peace.

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