Authenticity

Authentic: 1) of undisputed origin; genuine; 2) made or done in the traditional way, or in a way that faithfully resembles the original; 3) based on facts; accurate or reliable; 4) relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, purposive, and responsible mode of human life.

Dictionary definitions, while sometimes annoying and way overused, are good because of the blunt, direct way they express things.

A while ago, when we moved from Colorado Springs, a good-sized city, to a little seaside town in South Africa with a population of 4,000 and no people my age (popular retirement place), I was faced with a dilemma: who am I, actually? I knew who I was with my friends, and in my various social circles, and at church, and in a place I knew. It’s kind of shocking what happens when, at age 16, you are taken away from where you grew up and put in a place so far from anything you’ve ever known. You realize how defined you are by other people; how much you have adjusted yourself to fit the expectations and desires of others; and how little you really know yourself, and know who Christ made you to be. You also realize how much unnecessary fluff and drivel there is, not only to you and your life, but to your beliefs.

There is also the 3rd culture element. I am a 3rd culture kid; a South African who lived in the US for 10 years, thereby combining two very different cultures to create a 3rd, unclassifiable one. There are more of us in the world than you probably think, and we struggle with this: we do not belong to the first culture entirely, nor to the second one entirely, and our third one is so unique and undefinable that we just kind of feel like nomads. This obviously adds to the identity issue.

It was difficult, I’m not gonna lie. But I had about three years to be alone, and I do mean alone, with my parents and God. I even finished school over the internet. Now I’m glad, because those three years were a desert, and we all know that God does His thing wonderfully well in deserts. It’s kind of impossible, actually, to be in a desert, literally or figuratively, and not have God speak to you and not have yourself be changed enormously. Or, not changed; renewed. Recharged. Rebooted. God showed me this very obvious and yet very challenging fact: I am not defined by being tall, or liking certain movies, or reading certain books, or being South African, or being American, or being a traveler, or being a 3rd culture kid. I am defined by Him, and I am me, and that’s all I ever can be. Everyone is completely unique, and our human attempt to define each other is pointless and really quite silly. The truth is, none of us fits into a box. None of us should try. We are who we are.

Authenticity. To me it is synonymous with integrity, with truth, with genuineness and sincerity. It is who God made you to be. It is the truth without the fluff and extras. Attempting authenticity, daily.

Ouden Oida

Oooookay. You may have noticed the longish blogging hiatus (at least compared to my usual…er…blog abundance). This was due to a few things, one of which being that because the semester ended I no longer had reason to procrastinate. However, the biggest reason is really kind of a terrible one. I don’t know why (well, I might know now), I don’t know how, and I don’t know exactly when, but apparently I was annoyed with God. Which makes NO sense. You’d think that if I was going to have some kind of spiritual crisis it would have been during the semester, right? Like, while suddenly (after living an admittedly sheltered life) surrounded by a shocking (for me) overabundance of NO authority immediately close to me whatsoever, and bombarded with having to align my own little one-person household to whatever set of values and morals I aligned it to, and making huge decisions I’ve never had to think about before, and so on. But no. For some really weird, and possibly stupid, and possibly non-existent reason, the second I was home and my friends who’d come with me went back to Cape Town, I hit a really huge, really broad speed bump.

At first I thought it was just the holiday mode or whatever. But then a horrendously long time passed and I realized that I really was actually annoyed. With God. I, Veronique, the tiny little insignificant speck of dirt and blood and organs whose life is pretty much NOTHING in the grand scheme of things, was annoyed with the God of the seas, the mountains, all life, the universe, and whatever lies beyond it. After everything He’s done for me with absolutely no reason to do it, and in fact with many reasons to smite me with the plague or fry me like onion rings (if I was even worth the oil He would need, which I’m not), and after guiding me and protecting me and helping me all semester, after EVERYTHING, I was annoyed with Him. I was possibly even angry with Him. No reading of Bible happened. Prayer actually happened more than usual for a few days, and then stopped dead.

I think I figured out why, too. As a side note, I only figured out why a few days after I grudgingly forced myself to read like half a Psalm and then started forcing myself to read a chapter every day. I don’t know how much I’ve talked about this, but since the very beginning of the semester, I’ve felt like a missionary. I mean, like a real one, not just an I-travel-with-my-parents-and-pretend-like-I-know-what-the-heck-being-a-real-missionary-is thing. I don’t know if I have a tattoo on my forehead that says “as me questions about Jesus,” but regardless, that’s what happened a lot, with a lot of people, without me initiating anything. And it was amazing, because I felt like that’s what I’d been waiting for, and I felt alive and like I was fulfilling part of my purpose. I’m not bold or outspoken except when with my very close friends, but it’s like God took hold my mouth and gave me the words to say and the courage to say it, like in Matthew 10. It kind of rocked, actually. And I became very tight with God, much more than before, and I could feel Him breaking down things in me and rebuilding them to be what HE wanted.

And then, because that’s the way of all flesh (the reference to death is on purpose), I somehow started thinking I could do it on my own. At which point I got burned out and impatient and critical and tired. At which point I got annoyed with God for letting me get tired out “doing what He wanted me to do.” At which point I acted like someone who’s never read a word in the Bible and totally ignored God.

So now I feel like I’m back at square one. But you know…I’m so, so glad, and it’s only because of His mercy that I’m at square one. He brought me back to the place where I want to submit to Him and follow Him with all my heart, and if I have to literally go back to the day I chose to follow Him, everything unlearned, to do that, then that’s fine. Because what point does my life have if not to live for Jesus Christ, the one who gave His life for mine? What reason do I have to live at all if not to serve and love Him, and to chase after Him, race after Him, give all my blood and sweat and breath and heartbeats for HIS glory, HIS honor, HIS name, HIS love, HIS grace, HIS will, HIM? Thank God He loves me enough to bring me back to this place instead of leaving me to go on as I wanted. And thank God “that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6. The best time to learn is when you realize you haven’t got a clue.

I Say the Stupidest Things

Mr. Young should be paid commission for all the awesome blog titles concealed within his song lyrics. (Which is a way cooler way than MLA to credit him with the title of this blog. Just saying.)

So I was rereading some of The Chronicles of Narnia, and I was especially excited to read my favorite one, The Silver Chair. Marshwiggles, giant man-eaters, adventure, and uber delicious descriptions of tasty feasts abound. What more do you want?

Another amazing thing is that I think it’s safe to say that this book is one of the three that have the most pronounced similarities between Aslan and Jesus. And this particular book, which has always been my favorite for various reasons, is exactly what I needed to read this week. Without giving too much away, at one point one of the characters is petrified because they might die after obeying Aslan. Another character replies with something along the lines of, “But that’s not really the point, is it? Aslan didn’t say what would happen as a result of us obeying him, but that’s not the point. He’s our lord, so we obey him simply because he told us to do something, whether we live or die.” And I realized I’d kind of forgotten that. I always want to know why, or how, especially now that I’m living on my own and have to sort out my own stuff. I want a plan. And while it’s not wrong to plan, planning should never take priority over Jesus’ commands. Jesus didn’t say, for example, “Forgive those who sin against you, except when they kill your brother, in which case feel free to stone them.” He didn’t say, “Do not worry about what you will eat or drink, except when it’s winter and you have a dollar/rand left.” We won’t always understand his commands, but that’s not the point. Our comfort, happiness, security…none of these is the point. It’s great when it happens, and it’s great when God sends us all these blessings, but we should never take them for granted.

This is a quote from a very amazing book, Come Away, My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts: “‘See,’ you say, ‘we shall pray,’ while prayer is farthest from your heart….Prayer is for those who earnestly seek Me; not for those with only a pretend piety, who, with selfish and unworthy motives and hearts made fat with self-adulation, are only playing with Me as a child would manipulate a puppet on a string!…You would make Christianity pleasant and acceptable. Your Savior did not find it so. You would make it comfortable and accommodating to your own schedule…”

We all hear very frequently that it’s not about our actions, it’s about our motives. But there comes a point where you realize the gravity and implications of that statement. You CAN’T change your motives. They’re in your heart. They’re stapled, superglued, tied, chemically bonded, to your very nature. You could almost say they are your nature, or a very big part of it. God is the only one who can transform us at that level, and yeah, it freaking hurts. Nothing is ever refined in fire without being there for a long time while the impurities are physically burned away. {Please don’t go make an actual bonfire and toss yourself in.} But to be completely available for God’s use and to be someone who walks with him, we have to throw ourselves into God’s fire…and, as a pastor said, it’s a hell of a lot better to throw yourself in than to be thrown in.

Jesus also said, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” (John 14:15). It’s actually pretty simple, right? Do you love Jesus or not?

Don’t Be a Cricket Player

I was going to start this post with “please bear with me and allow me to be a shallow human being for five minutes,” but as you’ve probably noticed, that’s not the way this is going to go. Because then I realized: we don’t get to take a day off. We don’t get to let our guard down. I’ve given my life, my breath, and everything I am to my God and King; I can’t take it back, and I don’t want it back. I’ve made a choice and I’m sticking with it. Yes, I slip. Yes, I fall. And yes, He always helps me up again. But there is no taking a day off. When you’re in a match, when you’re in a struggle, you don’t take five minutes to chill (unless you’re playing cricket). Maybe a marathon is a better analogy. You run hard and long and to the best of your ability until you get to the finish line. There is rest in God. There is peace in God. But taking a breather? Nah. Life is short. By the time you’re done taking a break, life’s halfway gone. So since my original post is halfway to somewhere dark and cold by now, here’s something I compiled a while ago that has helped me a lot in life, and that might help you, too. It’s long but worth it And if it’s too long to read the whole thing, then at least read the very last verse, helpfully marked by many asterisks.

Do not be afraid: keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to harm you, because I have many people in this city. {Acts 18:9-10}

And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. {1 Corinthians 13}

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage – with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.

They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. {2 Timothy 4:1-8}

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before God and he will lift you up. {James 4:7-10}

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. {2 Peter 1:3-4}

So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. {2 Peter 1:12}

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. {1 John 1:5}

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. {1 John 1:9}

This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous. Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us. {1 John 3:11-24}

Everyone who believe that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loved the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commandments. This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

This is the one who came by water and blood – Jesus Christ. he did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth. For there are three that testify: the Spirit, the water and blood, and the three in agreement. We accept man’s testimony, but God’s testimony is greater because it is the testimony of God, which he has given about his Son.

Anyone who believes in the Son of God has this testimony in his heart. Anyone who does not believe God has made him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about his Son.

*****And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son does not have life. {1 John 5:1-12}*****

Hugs From Me to You

I’m pretty sure we all think the same thing sometimes while browsing on Facebook: I barely know this person. Why am I friends with them? But sometimes, too, I think, I barely know this person. I haven’t talked to them in years and even that conversation was kind of meaningless. But these are people I wish I knew better. Life is crazy and busy and it passes us by sometimes…sometimes we can only see in hindsight that we should have invested more in a friendship.

And often, like today, when I browse, I see really and truly good people who are having crappy days, who are brave enough to follow their dreams but keep hitting obstacles, who actually have the courage to do what they love but keep getting tripped up. This strikes me as somewhat unfair. But then, this is the “catch,” right? Following your dreams, your Dreams with a capital D, takes courage beyond words, and maybe that alone is the hazing process. If you have courage to do that, then you have courage to keep going no matter what. And that should be an encouragement to all of you out there who are doing this. Simply by deciding to go after the thing you love, you already have what it takes. So don’t stop or lose hope. Everything will work out.

And maybe someday I’ll actually get to know some of these people better; the people I keep on my friends list because of their goodness and inspiring thirst for life.