My Heart in Pieces

There is something so profound and deeply sorrowful about coming face to face with yourself. When God puts a mirror in front of you, it’s never condemning, but it is heartbreaking. With the most lovingly spoken words he breaks us – not to tear us down, but so that he can build something new in place of the old. He is the Restorer, the Renewer, the Builder, the Maker. When he convicts us and lets us see, bit by bit, our sins and shortcomings and areas-to-be-worked-on, he does it with love. There is no condemnation in his gentle revelation, no judgment or guilt tripping. But that, of course, makes it all the more heartbreaking. Because when you see your sins in front of you as if they are laid out on a table, you are suddenly so aware of the sorrow you’ve inflicted, of the nails Jesus took for you on the cross because of these things, these things in front of you; and yet God does not strike us with lightning or accuse us. He simply says, “Be done with these things so that I can transform you and give you my peace and love.”

We will never be perfect. We will keep on sinning. We will keep on having to repent. But God’s love is truly unending and unconditional; not the way in which we understand those words, but in their true meaning, in their infinite sense. He is God. Let him break your heart so he can form a new one in its place.

Mountains and Valleys

One of the hardest things about being a Christian is the constant alternation between having amazing times with God and experiencing His presence, and the everyday, mundane realities of life. No matter how clearly I felt His spirit around me, I still have to wash the dishes and do my Greek work. None of that goes away, but sometimes we wish it would so that we could just spend forever in His presence. The solution? We are meant to spend every moment in His presence, but we are meant to be carriers of His presence into the world so that others can also see Him.

God does use manifestations of angels or fire or other things to show non-Christians His power and love, and many have come to Christ because of direct encounters with God. But most of the time, He uses us. We are the salt and the light (Matthew 5:13-16), and His spirit is in us (Acts 2:1-4). In our times with Him, God fills us with His glory and power and authority and love and peace and mercy and grace, not just for ourselves, but so that we can carry His presence to our friends, family, and acquaintances. Think of the peace that often fills you when you speak with another Christian, even for a short time; that is God using that person to give His peace to you. And when we are with non-Christians, He uses us to show them His light, love, power, and grace.

We shouldn’t think of our incredible, breathtaking experiences with God and our daily, “mundane” realities as being separate. God wants to infuse His glory into our daily lives, so that we are drawing on His strength and peace to do even the most base things in our day. Think about it: the areas where you know you are weak, you automatically draw on His strength because you know you can’t do it alone, and God always comes through. What if we also drew on His strength in areas where we are already doing well?

Think of how the fruits of that thing would multiply and of how amazingly His glory would be displayed in our lives if we did this. Give everything to Him, every tiny detail of the day, every dish you have to wash, every assignment you have to do. Let His name be glorified even in the small details of our lives. Let go and watch how He glorifies His name through the things you consider to be boring or pointless. Just try it and see. What do you have to lose?

Newsletter

Hi everyone, this is just a quick one. As some of you know I am currently studying Greek, Hebrew, and Linguistics because I want to be involved with Bible translation, specifically The Word for the World. I do send out newsletters occasionally, and if you would like to receive them, please let me know at africanstardust@gmail.com.

If you think you should be receiving them but are not (I just sent one out a few moments ago), then it’s possible that when I transferred everything to my new laptop some addresses got lost in the “move”; please send me your address again and I’ll add you to the list, and send you the most recent newsletter.

Thank you to everyone who prays for me and for your support; I know that nothing I do would be nearly as effective without your prayers.

Blessings

Veronique

Change

The stack of work I have for the end of vac…thanks, UCT.

When I come home for vac, I tend to take some time to think about life, the way I live it, and what I need to let go of and/or change. Some changes are external (for more of that you can take a look at my other blog, I Make Mac & Cheese), but others are internal.

One of the biggest things I take a look at each vac is my stress level. How high has it been lately, what’s causing it, etc. It’s important to know these things because that’s really the only way you can deal with them, and eliminate the stress they’re causing you.

This vac the theme seems to be: 1) what I feel people expect of me and who they expect me to be, and b) feeling like I’m being constantly evaluated by everyone around me.

I’m going to tackle “b” first because it’s easy. It’s not true. Of course we evaluate people around us and we’re constantly making little judgments as we perceive our world and surroundings, but think about it: when’s the last time you were obsessed with a judgment you made to the point of really letting it affect your opinion of that person. Example not based on reality, at least not that I can remember: I see a good friend of mine wearing a shirt that is, in my opinion, a little immodest. She normally wears modest clothes. Do I now think she’s fallen off the wagon? “Gone off the path?” Sold her soul to the devil?

Actually, no, I shrug and move on with my life. That’s the way we function most of the time; see, make a judgment, forget it and move on. Also, what do I care? Of course people are going to disagree with me, and I’m going to disagree with them. It happens all the freaking time. So then what’s my problem? My problem, uncomfortably, is that I have an insecurity that makes me feel like this is what’s happening, because that’s what I’m doing to myself. I want me to be perfect. I want me to be brilliant and wise and spiritual and funny and charming and smart and good at everything I do. I have set an impossible standard for myself.

Which of course led to a somewhat uncomfortable realization that this fear/stress factor of mine has more to do with the fact that I have a very strong need to always be right and to always let everyone know that actually I already know what’s what. So…yeah. That’s uncomfortable and awkward and about a billion other things, but it’s the truth. It’s pride and a bit of rebellion and some other stuff. Now I know and I can pray about it and work on it, so all in all, it’s a good thing, just…yeah…uncomfortable. And kind of makes me want to write a really long letter of apology to everyone I know, because how annoying that must be.

Oh how embarrassing it is when you realize you think this way.

As for “a”…unfortunately, it’s a very real thing. But the thing is, it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I keep saying this partly because I wish it would just drill itself into my brain and stay there and not float off again like a fickle soap bubble, but also so that YOU will hear this and know this. Yes, people expect things of you. A lot of people, in fact, expect a lot of things from you. They expect you to be a certain way. And when you’re not that certain way, they get all ancy and weird and you’re left wondering what the heck is wrong with them. The thing is, you do this too. I do this. Everyone does. It’s what we, humans, do. It’s a fact of life and it can’t be ignored.

The solution is one of those really obvious, easier-said-than-done things, but it actually works.

Be yourself.

God made you who you are. That’s not to say that there aren’t some kinks [read: sins] to be worked out, but you, the person you are, were hand-crafted, hand made, 100% organically processed, so-natural-you-aren’t-even-found-in-a-health-store natural, created by God. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. He knows all the days of your life before they happen. While you were still a sinner He died for you. Look it up; it’s in the Bible, I promise (start with Psalm 139).

Sound advice. Even though this is actually a folder in my planner.

It sounds stupid and self-helpish, but clearly some of us need help, so there you go. Be yourself. Practice the gloriousness of being completely and totally free in being YOU. Realize that 90% of the time you feel hurt or offended or like someone just dissed you personally, that’s not the reality. We all say things in jest or without thinking or without really meaning the gravity of the words. People are different. If I were to say something like, “Why on earth would you want to do that?” with lots of sarcasm, it would mean I am trying to hurt the other person, and so I don’t do that. But maybe if Annie Oakley says it she doesn’t mean anything of the kind, despite the way it sounds. Realize that other people are different from you (again, obvious and yet rarely practiced) and give them the benefit of the doubt. Choose not to be offended. Choose to give the people around you space. Choose not to constrict others, just like you don’t want to be constricted.

In other words: chill and live life. It’s actually all simpler than it sometimes feels.

*As always, I share this not to ramble on about my own issues but in the hopes that this might help you, too.

Easter and Christmas: The “Unbiblical” Holidays

So, this morning a friend and I were chatting and I mentioned how we don’t really do the Easter egg thing because it’s not related to the actual meaning of Easter. She pointed out that I do the Christmas thing and that that’s not really related either, which got me thinking because I despise inconsistency, and I realized the following which I’ll share in case anyone else is having the same issue.

I posted about Christmas in December of last year, and how there is a lot of symbolism to me that fits with the real meaning of the day: Jesus’ birth. I’ll also post a few points today for whoever doesn’t want to click back.

Yes, the tree is a bit arbitrary, but it’s a tradition that comes with Christmas, so it stuck around. Also, we usually decorate with balloons or whatever for our own birthdays, so to me a tree is no less arbitrary than that. Christ and His salvation are the biggest gifts we ever received, and besides, if He were here on earth, we would be giving Him presents for His birthday. Exchanging gifts is a different way of doing this, and while it isn’t Biblical in the sense that no one in the Bible did it, it’s in the spirit of the Bible; giving to each other freely, being generous, gathering together, and loving each other. None of this is wrong or against the Bible, and although Christmas has been adopted by secular people and is more of a tradition than anything else, it is still a beautiful way to celebrate the birth of Christ. We make Him the center of our day and we honor Him by coming together with our friends and family and making it a priority to spend time with them. Again, none of this is unbiblical (as in disagreeing with the Bible), nor is it entirely unrelated. And this is why I think it’s awesome to celebrate Christmas.

Easter, on the other hand, has been made all about the Easter bunny and eating chocolate and hunting for Easter eggs. This is the death and resurrection of Christ we are talking about – our salvation – and it’s been reduced to Easter eggs. I can’t find anything in the secular tradition that relates to the death and resurrection of Christ, except that the eggs are hard-boiled and are therefore dead. There’s no religious significance to any of it, and no Biblical connection, and that’s why we don’t celebrate it the way the world does. I’m not saying it’s wrong to do it, and it’s not like I don’t eat the chocolate eggs this time of year or think people who celebrate Easter in this secular way are going to hell. Frankly it’s weird to me when people make a huge deal out of these things, because God knows our hearts. But I do know that over the Easter weekend, I don’t want my focus to be a bunny rabbit who brings eggs. Jesus Christ brought Himself, gave all of Himself, poured Himself out on the cross, died for our sins and gave us salvation and eternal life. That’s what our focus should be.

If your kids do Easter egg hunts, awesome and may they have fun, but make sure they know the real meaning behind Easter and let’s not water down one of the most crucial events in history. Christ died for us; all the glory and honor and praise to His name.